:) or :(

I realized last I wrote something here was in February...

Since then so much has happened, I was so frustrated to even right it down...but the pain is still fresh in me..It is not going away..daily I feel it...daily I see my stupidity of repeating the mistake...I am either too nice that some people take me for granted or I just trust people easily...really really stupid, I am not sure if I can forgive myself...but I thank Allah that every time I am to be in trouble He has always been there for me, guides me in some way that I get a His message...Allah loves me and I am glad that I am among those He watches out for...

So much time has passed...I've learned to move on..with many expectation in my heart but my mind refuses it..let it be my personal life or career.. 2 years has passed..nothing has changed but me...I feel "the rebel me" in me these days, I don't wana be nice anymore...Why am I changing...I have changed a lot I realize...Irfan even told me today that I am not the Rasheffa he knew..the fast moving and confident..I also feel that I am not me...I am loosing my confidence..this should not happen..I need this boost to continue living and surviving in this cruel and selfish world...too much pain I bared that I can't feel it..I am numb now...I just hope I don't do anything foolish...but what is for sure, now I am not going to wait and see, it's time for action for a changed me.. I've changed from my blue mode to pink but pink is not lasting, I am wanting excitement but that is not me...I see my eyes don't shine as before, I see my appetite is not as colorful as before..I see my skin is dull..I wana look great now and most important feel great too for my confidence...if you have your confidence this life is your's...

I even to Pakistan for my cousins wedding...wasn't too excited about it

Was happy for her, I had my part of fun with the gang

Most I enjoyed was the food, shopping and met my best buddy as well..

I didn't felt like going there...but still, I went....

I can't write anymore...