the table was never enough

I am grateful to Allah, that I have great parents who have given me every luxury ( to me whatever we can afford is considered luxury, having bit extra then the poor is also considered luxury) and freedom in life. They work hard to make ends meet, I get that drive from them  to be a hardworking and responsible person...;)

But one thing that always lacked was, family gatherings, specificly, just parents, brother & me. Those little dinner or lunch outings barely happened, I think the 1st and last we had was last year, buka puasa, it was nice actually, yeah thanks to my efforts called my dad personally and invited him for the buffet, surprisingly he agreed to come. 

Why we never had family dinners or lunch over the years was may be my dad never felt comfortable eating out, but I think he is getting the grip of it in these recent years...due to certain occasion involving me and Razwan, our birthdays at some restaurant (we needed him to pay the bill :P) hahahah or buka puasa with the bigger part of the family...but this had made him comfortable to eat at public places.

I do envy some of my cousins, and friends who have their family day out. My dad would never go. So mom would come, but now since her knee problem, I doubt that to happen. Now I see myself having more responsibilities at home. My pleasure :)

Two days back while having lunch at home, the table in our kitchen couldn't fit the three of us, dad said, we need a bigger table, I said only now u realised that, he said don't say that, you are wrong, the reason is no one was here, only now all of you are home, next year when Razwan is back in KL he, then we will need a bigger table so that we can all sit and eat together. Sigh...

I was touched the way he said it. I guess he was right, I've been away from my family since was 18 for studies, then back home, then the job was such that hardly ate at home and then Ipoh for 3 years, and now I'm home all the time, often have my lunches with parents. He is happy about that. And one thing I realised about my dad is he never liked eating alone, ofcourse mom accompanies him..mom is so sweet, now she even sit with me while I'm having my lunch alone, let it be when I am home late evening after work or I've missed having lunch with her or I'm rushing off to office...even today, I was bit late for lunch, she sat with me...feels good, but I know she is not well and need to rest, told her its ok I can manage on my own, she was like its ok I will sit with u...I kinda shooed her away coz I wanted her to use that time to rest while she can..but a mother will always be a mother, she forgets all the pains while with her children.

We never had our Sundays, even though dad use to say, its Sunday lets eat together, but me and Razwan would either sit at the dining table in the living room or eat later, why? the table was never enough hahaha..but that was our lunch together.

Me and mom decided last year on before Raya to get a new dining table for the kitchen, may be a more comfortable one..but we always failed just because there were always more interesting things to get hahahaha...we dream of getting luxury bedroom set and sofa's, window shop, oh yeah last year we were busy getting a new sofa, the old one was rotten..but after surveying at the some number of outlets we decided to settle for a moderate one something which was more practical. I love shopping with my mom. 

About dad, I think I am bonding with him now better then ever before....I remember while shopping is Lahore, I would go sit next to him while wait for the others shop. He would ask you are done? I said, I couldn't find anything worth plus my pocket is empty. Can I have some? I asked cheekily, he gave me the bundle he was having. I love my dad for that. I blew up that bundle hahahaha. I can be materialistic but that how daddy's should spoil their daughters..hahhaha lucky we are middle class I can't imagine what would it be like if we were rich...I guess would be spoil brad. hahaha and Razwan worst..he already has that luxury taste bud...but we are ok...as for me, usually I try hard not to depend on my parents.

I love my parents and my brother dearly would do anything for them.

On the 15th April, dad had a chest pain. Rushed him to the nearest hospital. While driving him there I had tears in my eyes thinking and hoping him to be OK. I had no idea what he was going through, was it a stoke..it seemed like a stroke as he was sweating and turned red. Dropped him to the emergency...he was attended by the doctors and nurses immediately. Excellent service. While was being wired with all sort of machines at the ER I couldn't look at him laying there. I had teary eyes. Mom told me to wait outside. I said OK. While seated I called Razwan, told him the situation, and after a while I felt like crying, praying to Allah for my dad's health. I kept reading ayatul Kursi, to calm me down and also to request Allah to send his angles to take care of my dad. Mom called me in said dad is OK but will be admitted for observations. Alhamdulillah. He was being very excited and cute when he realized his bed would be pushed to his room, he told he nurse 'saya boleh jalan laa' ( I can walk) he was ignored. Then he got all excited about his room once he was feeling better. Why not he was given three injections at the ER...that really helped him. Reports say he didn't had an attack...most probably due to severe gastric...he blamed the nasi lemak he had for breakfast. I ordered his lunch from his room, and he enjoyed...after feeling a little better he said take my pictures while eating. This is the 1st time I am admitted to the hospital, hahaha that was funny...I obliged...That bonded us.

I can be moody or cranky, I may not want to talk to him or answer him straight, I may show my rebellious site to him. But he never complains, he knows that I am like that. My reasons, I don't talk much to him much, because most of the time I did he misunderstood, sometimes we discuss things, our ideas clash, etc...so its better I keep things to myself to avoid hurting him and myself....as what Ili Saharuddin posted on her Facebook today, silent therapy...hahaha sometimes, keeping mum helps..a lot.

This year we shall get that kitchen table, so that all four of us can dine together..inshaAllah...dad is right "only now everyone is home"...I have no regrets leaving a better paying job, if not I would never had known if the table was enough for us... :) Amin