What shall I say, problems are always here to stay, but they are only problem when think "its a problem", that is how I used to think...since the calender turned to 2010, I feel I am grown up, mind is more mature, want to explore deeper into life, and have some responsibilities. One of my new year resolution is on the track it will take a few months before it officially becomes mine..inshaAllah it will be I believe it will be, no matter how difficult it may seem.
I realized since I joined BernamaTV I had 2 problems in my life, one is the job itself and the other is effort into stepping in the other phase of life "the big word MARRIAGE" which has been pending since forever. Well since the beginning of this year I have changed the directions of my priorities, I thought I should not think about it much, and it was helpful...sadly my mother is the one who is much worried about it..Since the day I stopped thinking about it, she started talking about it daily..imagine how difficult it has been for me, since 3rd Jan it hasn't been a day she didn't talk about it....at this point my mind is like an atom bomb just waiting to explode and thanks to the situation at office which it seem's like never going to change...and I am actually considering to get myself another job, or shall I join my parents develop their business...it all has been so stressful, but I will have to choose one or the other, something has to be done...its not easy to be "the independent woman" all the time...life isn't getting easy, when your realize the top management is not treating you the same way as the some of the selected or most favoured people or I shall say 'the chosen ones' things get more difficult to be accepted, that is where you loose your patience...I have been very very very patient in life, have been tolerating lots of nonsense and things around me, some one told me human makes their own destiny, so I shall...but the question is...where to begin...I pray to Allah asking for guidance show me the right path...the whole journey of life is a risk...
Sometimes I wonder why do we have to chase all this...or may be I am tired of chasing it all alone...I need that some one in my life to hold my hand and run with me...or guide me..whenever I get into my dreamy mode something just strikes me and brings me back to pavilion..awakens me that its not going to happen...I have seen many times, that whenever I hope for something and start dream about it...or even feel happy 'okay this time it may work or it's mine' BANG! strike by disappointments...all these spices ingredients has made me a stronger person today...(whoever is reading this yeas im feeling really down and emotional at the moment) or may be a blunt and heartless...a smile is all I can give to the world saying I am OKAY, but if I don't tune myself to be Ok then who will....dont grieve as even Allah can't help you..I have learn that...you will always have to help yourself because no one will be there to help you when you need them the most...especially when you realize they are much more weaker then you....may Allah give me that strength to move further in life...ameen
hmm...kinu...sometimes it is true some people said that parents can be a pain in the ass hehehe not to be rude..cuma kadang kadang they get 'over' worried to us..walaupun kita dah umur 30 tahun they still treat us and worries about us like we are still a 3 years old child..but what the heck...thats what parents do right?...and thats why we love them so much...i maybe lucky coz im a man...and you are a woman...so perception yg lelaki kawin lambat takpe pompuan kawin lambat merisaukan tu actually sangat disgusting tapi apa nak buat thats life...and im also lucky my parents tak desak tanya pasal kawin walaupun sepupu sepapat dah beratur anak satu team bola...and i care less about it...so...what u should do? berdoa jerlah...satu jer yg aku pegang kuat sangat sampai sekarang...'Allah takkan uji kalau kita tak mampu'so bersabarlah kinu pasal bab kawin ni...insyaAllah ada jodoh ko tu...lambat sikit jer dun worry...Allah dah tentukan rezeki masing masing...sampai masa kita akan dapat..tapi kalau nak takdir kita tak dapat jugak...nak buat macam mana...tapi sentiasa kena ingat apa apa jadi pun kehidupan kita sebenarnya sangat berwarna warni berbanding dgn org lain...tak semestinya apa yg org ada tu yg kita nampak cantik tu sempurna...kadang kadang kita yg comot sana sini lebih sempurna dari org yg kita adore tu :)
ReplyDeletethanks for ur concern haz...hugggss...actually im ok abt it..and i m aware itu hak parents utk nk worry...mayb somtimes when we think too much it effects us...plus our surroundings add extra masala to it...well i dont know y i m waiting for march to end...macam ada sesuatu je after that...lets see if my instinct is right =)
ReplyDelete