the unexpected

As life was moving just OK and me being getting adjusted to my early retirement.., dad's health got worse and again rushed him to the ER at PCMC. It was really worrying this time, he looked really sick.

He was in ICU for 3 days, then 4 days at normal wad...but alhamdulillah he is ok now, but one thing that I realised this time is...that my abah won't be long with us. His heart is so weak that anything can happen to him (his heart only functions 40%-60% fully)....or either with Allah's will he might will not have a healthy life after this. I will miss my dad as he was before. I really do.

I have been stressed up and in tears the whole week every time this thought comes to my mind. Some say if he takes care he can live up to 10 years...I will be very happy to see that. But there is an uncertain feeling in me, maybe I am scared to be too comfortable with this number given to me by my aunt, my doctor buddy told me he can live up to 3-4 years only and will always be in and out of hospitals. He has Congestive Heart Failure.

I have to be strong and have faith that Allah knows best, only He knows what kind of plans He have for us..Now I have to be strong to face what ever that may happen in future, I have to be strong to take care of my mother and brother, if I fail, everything will collapse. But for how long..I don't want to turn myself into something else. Sometimes I wish I had my life partner with me, to stand by me, and say hey everything is going to be ok, you are not alone, I am here to take care of it. But sadly Allah had other plans and let me to face this on my own. And I shall face this challenge. 

While writing this, my tears keep pouring. There is a heart ache. I feel the pain now. Close friends and family has shown their love, support and concerns in many ways. I thank them for that. I have been so held up with this recent incident that I even forgot my interview date. This was important to me. But I still managed attended it. To my point of view my 1st interview was better. This time I couldn't think, and I allowed myself to be nervous, and my mind went blank. This was the side effect of the stress that I have been facing that week.

What I can do now is, leave this matter to Allah, as He can provide and guide me, He knows best. If it was meant for me it will be mine, if not...there will always be other option, life doesn't end here.

Maybe looking at the figure and the benefits offered I got greedy and kind of drifted away from my actual mission and the reason I left BernamaTV. I really felt I want that job, because easy money.

I feel sad cause I have become such. Maybe financial difficulties makes you such. After knowing the fact about dad, I guess I should stick to my first option and the risk I took. By not doing so..in a way I might be cheating myself and killing my dreams to be a successful business woman. At this point, I become uncertain again, and start loosing focus of what I intend to do and should be doing.

That is  my dream and only business can make me what I see myself in future in. THE BMW or a lavish sports car lol..I do have such desires and I belief everyone does, but to make it happen, not everyone is capable of it.

I do need to earn more, maybe this is just temporary, I have to be strong, keep faith in Allah and myself. I need my confidence. I need to restructure my life. Focus. I know situations will make me drift away once in a while, but when I write here, I feel I gain my strength back to face whatever is stored for my by life. I will have craft my life. I have seen the vision which I should stick to it and not loose it.

I believe everything will be ok and work out as planned. InshaAllah....

dolce vita

Today its 19 Aug, supposed my last day at work. I don't know if my decision was taken in a haste but I surely belief it has to be done, and it is a right move that I made. I was clear of what I want, but now sometimes I am mirrored by uncertainty...Well I guess this is normal as I am still unsure if the path that I chose will lead to success, or is it 'the thing' for me. 

Thinking back it is wrong for me to have such thought coming to my mind, well I am also human, I can get shaken up. My vision now in life is to be rich and earn the success in what I belief in doing will give me a bright future, and off course I also want to be married. I can be worrying at times, but I have put a full stop to that.

I just want my business with my dad and my dream for the RR Designs takes off soon, and get really good respond. I do have to gamble, if I don't try I will never know if it worked but I do have success in my mind and heart.

Nobody likes to be in a uncertain or insecure situation may it be your career, money, or love. These three things will always haunt human as these are the necessity of life and what we believe, life is about. That is how we human has been patterned and trained to accept life. We chase for these three things. When we stop doing either one, people tend to become edgy and curious why isn't she/he is doing it. If you don't have a boyfriend it's like WHY? If your not married its like end of the world....and if you are not working with an organisation it's like "your jobless" and you need one. 

The thing is..what if I want to ignore all this for a while and live my life the way I want to. Life is too short to be following these worldly rules which has been scripted for us human by the culture. I just wana eat, pray and love. Live a dolce vita or a sweet life. Live a simple life but with high ambitious and needs, haha how is that...it means simple...I wana live my life the way I want to...

Whatever it is I really want to be somewhere in life. I really want to be successful, and I really want to make this path that I choose the path of my life. 

Khwab Jo (720P) *HD* - London Dreams (2009) - DVD - Music Video - Full Song

Jo tujhe jagayee
Neend teri udayein
Khawab hai Sacha wahi

Neendon mein jo aaye
Jisee to bhool jaye
Khawab woh sacha nahi

Khawab ko Raag de
Neend ko Aag de
O o O
Angraron ko jaaye
Angraron ko jaaye
Koyalon sa jo gaaye
Khawab hai sacha wohi

Lehareein jo uthaye
Paniyon ko to uthaye

Khawab hai sache wohi
Khawab ko Raag de
Neend ko Aag de
O o O

Manzilon pe tauyhaar hai
Lekin woh haar hai
Kya khusi apno ke bin
Hai adhuri har jeet bhi
Sargam sangeet bhi

Adhura apno ke bin
Khwabon ke badal
Chane do lekin
Risthon ki lok bacha ke Barasna

kheti hai hawaien
Chum le gagan ko
Pankho ko khol chodna tarasna

Khawab ko Raag de
Neend ko Aag de

Na na na na na
Ra ra Ra ra ra

La ra ra la la la ra ra

Khawab ko Raag de
Neend ko Aag de

Khawab ko Khawab ko Raag de
Neend ko Aag de
Aag de
O o O
Live your live your Live you
London Dreams

Live your live your Live you
London Dreams

Live your live your Live you
London Dreams

Live your live your Live you
London Dreams

Amr Diab - Sadakny khalas

Translation: AMR DIAB SADAKNY KHALAS LYRICS

SADDAKNI KHALAS
MEN BEIN ENNAS
HABBEITAK WE5TARTAK LEYYA

TOOL MANA WAYYAK
ODDAMI MALAK
5ALLETNI MA'3AAMMADSH 3NAYYA

ALLAAAH… YA SALAAAAM
FE 3NEIK A7LA KALAAM

ARRAB MENNI SHWAYYA SHWAYYA
ALBI W2ALBAK SAWA YETLA2O
EDDONIA ENTA MALET'HA 3ALAYYA
DA EL7OBB ELLI MA7ADDESH DA2O

ARRAB MENNI SHWAYYA SHWAYYA
ADD MA TE2DAR ARRAB TANY
EDDONIA ENTA MALET'HA 3ALAYYA
WKA2ENNAK MA5LOO2 3ALASHANI

YA ARA2 EL NAS
F3NEIK E7SAS
BYA5ODNI MA3A BANSA EDDONIA
DOMMENI B2DEEK
LAW '3ALI 3ALEEK
MADDAYYA3SH YAREET WALA SANYA

ALLAAAH… YA SALAAAAM
F3NEIK A7LA KALAAM

ARRAB MENNI SHWAYYA SHWAYYA
ALBI W2ALBAK SAWA YETLA2O
EDDONIA ENTA MALET'HA 3ALAYYA
DA EL7OBB ELLI MA7ADDESH DA2O

ARRAB MENNI SHWAYYA SHWAYYA
ADD MA TE2DAR ARRAB TANY
EDDONIA ENTA MALET'HA 3ALAYYA
WKA2ENNAK MA5LOO2 3ALASHANI

7ABEEEEEEBI 7ABEEEEBI (ARRAB MENNI SHWAYYA SHWAYYA ALBI W2ALBAK SAWA YETLA2O)
ANA ME7TAGLAK TEFDAL GANBI
AAAH 7ABEEEBI
AH… (ARRAB MENNI SHWAYYA SHWAYYA
ADD MA TE2DAR ARRAB TANY)
AH… AAAAH

(ARRAB MENNI SHWAYYA SHWAYYA
ALBI W2ALBAK SAWA YETLA2O)
ANA ME7TAGLAK TEFDAL GANBI
YA 7ABEEEEBI

Believe me, that's it.
From amongst all people,
I have loved you and have chosen you for myself.

As long as I am with you,
There is an angel in front me
You have made me never shut my eyes.

Oh god, wow!
In your eyes, I found the most beautiful words.

Come closer little by little.
So my heart and yours can find each other.
You have filled my world.
This is the love nobody has ever tasted.

Come closer little by little.
As much as you can, come closer.
You have filled my world.
And it's like you were created just for me.

Oh most kind person,
There is affection in your eyes.
When I see them, I forget the world.
Embrace me with your arms,
If I am precious to you.
Don't waste time, not even a second.

My darling, my darling.
I need you to stay next to me.
Oh darling,

retired finally....

A week before my birthday I finalized  my decision to retire...remember on my post on considering early retirement...so finally it took me 5 months to take action. I have no regrets. I am a believer of no turning back, the future always holds new experiences for each and everyone of us, and definitely cheerssss!!!

Rested 3 days, then was in by 7.30am in the morning on Monday, my dad had to look at me twice if that was me..yeah usually he calls me the useless daughter who sleeps till noon..He always says..."you will only see her at 12noon".Well I guess his statement on that is over rated as I'm usually in the living room or at least the kitchen by 11.30am..and yes 30 minutes makes lots of difference.... =) my excuse working on the late night shift a night before hahaha but seriously that is how it is.

Alhamdullilah so far so good. Today I managed to finish the 1st task by dad...so far so good...other then the usual running around the town for submission and all...I think I am a fast learner especially in matters that are important to me..plus I didn't wanted to waste any time...I hate doing nothing, it makes go nuts..I just may do anything to fill in my time..

I avoid being stressed, so I try to take things easy..or maybe runaway from things that become a bubble of stress...runaway!!!  hahaha.. I believe life has to be lived in peace and harmony...I don't want to be the 'tension main dubi hui, depressed Rasheffa..nowadays I'm R.R...Rasheffa Rashid...inshaAllah one day you will see...RR designs tagged on some cool looking clothes...I did have a vision of having my own wear, sounds cool isn't it..if my deal with GulAhmed fashion gets through, we shall this someday and someday means soon...very soon...just once I get hold of the cloth...something I have always wanted to do, this will happen, my new quotes in life is..."VISUALISE THE FUTURE, THE REST WILL FALL INTO PLACE"....

Now what I need is to be focused to climb the ladder to reach for the stars....

I am so very excited, FOCUS FOCUS FOCUS RR...its all going to coming true soon...but don't just sit around...hard work and effort will definitely will take u where you want to be..may it be the sky..but for me the stars are the limit.. ;) 

Best Wishes RR

Aatif - Meri Kahani - Full Video - High Quality

happy birthday

Wow... it's hard to belief that I have passed my 30's and on the journey to a new phase of life. I am still startled when receive compliment about how young I look despite my age. Some even think I am in my early 20's, seriously it's a miracle to me.

And definitely its a confident booster. I feel happy people guess that I'm 25...simply 5 years younger to my actual age hahah this surely excites me.... I will surely maintain this, since I have found the formula to my everlasting youth...nope its not some poison. I realised it is all in the mind game. When you think you wana look young and be young you feel young and definitely look young. I believed in this and it is proofed. I am happy where I am today, Alhamdulillah thanks to Allah for His greatness, I have a good life.

Talking about life, no one born perfect, no one grows to be perfect, no one is perfect, you may have wonderful perfect life there is always something missing, one shall realise incomplete with out this one thing. But to Allah's greatness, everyone is gifted and lucky in their own way, if you lack of something today, tomorrow you shall be rewarded with something better. Allah knows better what is stored for you. 

Sadly not everyone understands this. On my birthday, I decided to pamper myself, went for facial, well it surely took my 3 hours but the job and treatment was satisfying, everything was going smooth till one of the beautician asked about my age, and then questioned about my status, and the next question was, 'kenapa tak kawin lagi, apa lagi yang you tunggu, muka cantik, lebih daripada cantik, jangan tunggu lagi, ni dah 31, nanti anak pun lambat dapat? well I just kept calm and smiled as she mumbled, wondering, well now I can't be telling you my life history or explaining why I am still unattached, wish I had the answer to her, I wished she just should mind her own business. Yes it use to bother me before, but now I have managed to take this issue wisely and started looking at things in a different perspective. Not everyone understands what is the pattern of life and you don't have to provide an answer to just anyone who asks. It did hurt a little..then I just smiled away, thinking 'main ab tumko kaise batao, kia hai meri kahani, kia kia saha hai maine zindegi main, ab mai janu ya Allah janey"

I am glad and thankful that I am loved by many, the greetings that I received on my Facebook, showed the warmth and love by my friends all over the world. I am glad over the years I did make good friends, who appreciate my true friendship and I surely appreciate their love and care for them. I love you all my dear friends.

The only gift that excited me was from my dad, a c$$h cheque from my parents. Thank You mommy and abah..really appreciate it..helps to cut down my financial burden in many ways. I shall use it wisely. Even though the first thing that came to my mind was to get a new watch for myself. InshaAllah I will get my ideal watch..and the hunt begins =).

I didn't really celebrate my birthday this time, the day passed like another just bit extra with special sparkle of 'its my day' in me. But surely I am planning for a treat for my family this weekend. It shall mean something as my brother was not around, I shall wait for his return over the weekend then we shall party ;)

I wish and pray all my wishes come true passing my 31st birthday. May Allah bless me and my family, with good health and wealth. I wish for a better future, a wonderful life with no regrets of my past, as past makes one to be wiser and more careful about approaching matters involving the heart and love.

I also wish to for work hard to look the best and grow younger as I age. As I mentioned before, this is what I call anti-aging ;)--best wishes to myself and my future--the true journey of life begins now...

Live life to the fullest as there is no turning back, life is short there is no point sulking and regretting, pray and smile, Allah is always with you.--ameen