:) or :(

I realized last I wrote something here was in February...

Since then so much has happened, I was so frustrated to even right it down...but the pain is still fresh in me..It is not going away..daily I feel it...daily I see my stupidity of repeating the mistake...I am either too nice that some people take me for granted or I just trust people easily...really really stupid, I am not sure if I can forgive myself...but I thank Allah that every time I am to be in trouble He has always been there for me, guides me in some way that I get a His message...Allah loves me and I am glad that I am among those He watches out for...

So much time has passed...I've learned to move on..with many expectation in my heart but my mind refuses it..let it be my personal life or career.. 2 years has passed..nothing has changed but me...I feel "the rebel me" in me these days, I don't wana be nice anymore...Why am I changing...I have changed a lot I realize...Irfan even told me today that I am not the Rasheffa he knew..the fast moving and confident..I also feel that I am not me...I am loosing my confidence..this should not happen..I need this boost to continue living and surviving in this cruel and selfish world...too much pain I bared that I can't feel it..I am numb now...I just hope I don't do anything foolish...but what is for sure, now I am not going to wait and see, it's time for action for a changed me.. I've changed from my blue mode to pink but pink is not lasting, I am wanting excitement but that is not me...I see my eyes don't shine as before, I see my appetite is not as colorful as before..I see my skin is dull..I wana look great now and most important feel great too for my confidence...if you have your confidence this life is your's...

I even to Pakistan for my cousins wedding...wasn't too excited about it

Was happy for her, I had my part of fun with the gang

Most I enjoyed was the food, shopping and met my best buddy as well..

I didn't felt like going there...but still, I went....

I can't write anymore...

kab miley ga...

Surili Akhiyon Wale Lyrics

Surili akhiyon wale

Suna hai teri akhiyon se

Behti hai neendein

Aur neendon mein sapne

Kabhi to kinaro pe

Utar mere sapno se

Aaja zameen pe aur mil ja kahin pe

Mil ja kahin ..

Ohhhoooooooo

Mil ja kahin samey se pareh

Samey se pareh mil ja kahin

Tu bhi akhiyon se kabhi meri akhiyon ki sunn

Surili akhiyon wale, suna hai teri akhiyon se

Jaane tu kahan hai

Udti hawa pe tere pairon ke nishan dekhe

Jaane tu kahan hai

Udti hawa pe tere pairon ke nishan dekhe

Doondha hai zameen pe chana hai falak pe

Saare aasman dekhe

Mil ja kahin samey se pareh

Samey se pareh mil ja kahin

Tu bhi akhiyon se kabhi meri akhiyon ki sunn

Everytime I look into your eyes

I see my paradise

The stars are shining right up in the sky

Fainty words of desire

Can this be real

(can this be real)

Are you the one for me

(are you the one for me)

You have captured my mind, my heart, my soul on earth

You are the one waiting for

Everytime I look into your eyes

I see my paradise

Stars are shining right up in the sky

Fainty words of desire

Hoth mein chupke dekh rahe the

Chaand ke peeche, peeche the

Hoth mein chupke dekh rahe the

Chaand ke peeche, peeche the

Saara jahan dekha dekha na aakhon mein

Palkon ke neeche the

Aa chal kahin, samey se pareh

Samey se pareh chal de kahin

Tu bhi akhiyon se kabhi meri akhiyon ki sunn

Surili akhiyon wale, suna hai teri akhiyon se

Surili akhiyon wale, suna de zara akhiyon se

Surili akhiyon wale, suna de zara akhiyon se

click to preview--- > http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Kn2-MB0Uo98

A beautiful composition perfect lyrics...and ofcourse the singer makes it great...rahaat ali khan

retiring?

The idea of early retirement doesn't sound too bad..it does not mean your life ends..it is actually the beginning of an end...looking at things differently in life and putting broken pieces together for a better product and a better life..

We live only once, and you don't want to spend whatever little time you have slugging in the office and follow as directed (unless you can, Allah has made many kinda of human beings that function differently)..many might have realise it or may be not, that when your life style becomes stressful and you think about your job and position daily..its time to leave..turn a new page and draw out a life which gives you pleasure and happiness..and most important satisfaction...

When your job becomes a stress that has no solution or your heart and soul can't compromise anymore--it horrifies your sleeps..its obvious sign you need a break...a change and need to move on -- a new option a new platform...

Did I mention if working and trying to accept what you can't can hazardous to health?

This will also answer your question why people are dying due to stroke at the age as early as 30....I think its simple...if you cannot take it..leave it...there are always other options in life and remember life doesn't end here...

I am not only telling everyone who reads this blog about this (i know i dont have many followers hahahaha) but I am telling myself...and may be convincing myself..that early retirement can be an option for a better way of living my life...passion is one...but survival is another...happiness is what everyone seek...but it does not come to you unless you make it  happen...nothing happens or changes for itself...you have to do it yourself...make the move..yes move your bootie babeh! haahah I'm going nut...may be it will be for good...may be it might be the wrong step..yeah will sit and cry and depressed...but does this means life stops here? do you stop breathing? nope...you still feel depressed with your employer...and the conditions in the office...I thought I will think about early retirement after marriage but since it isn't happening...and it may happen before that...

Being an employee with an organization will always remain the same, same stress and the never ending problems can be the management, can be the boss, colleagues may also be the reason to stress. 'Pain like' bosses are everywhere in the world...life is not easy...if you cannot handle being an employee be your own boss...not a bad idea I guess..

Yes only then you will realize if u don't work your arse off...who will feed you..who is going to get you that luxury hand bag or those beautiful shoes...if married its ok but this doesn't mean you can strip your hubby's purse hahaha which it was possible life would be much easier...but if single as I m..Have no one to depend on hahaha...that's another stress..ofcourse my beloved parents..especially my mom is always by my side..to guide and push me further to be a better person, a better woman and may be one day a successful business person...inshaAllah...lets take on the wheels.....

simply atif....love this song...

ATIF ASLAM ...one of the best ever paki singers...simply a talented artist...today proudly recording for India, BOLLYWOOD...that's a record for Pakistani's around the world...congrates...simply love him...what a voice..unique in its own way...

 http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EvYjUvWPXSk


"kaise bataye                            how should i tell you                                                                              
kiu tujko chahey                       wonder why i love you
yara batana payein                    but i could never tell you
batein diloki                              my feelings
dekho zubaan ki aankhein         look into my eyes
tujhe samjhayen jo baqi            they will tell you the feelings of my heart
tu jane na....aaaa                      you have no idea
tu jane na....
tu jane na...aaaa
tu jane na

milke bi                           eventho we have met
hum na miley                   we are still not together
tumse na janye kiu           i wonder why
milon key hai fasley         the distance between us are miles away
tumse na janey kiu           i wonder why
anjane hai silsile               there are many unintentional stories between us
na janey kiu                     i wonder why
sapne hai palko talein       there are dreams
tum se na janey kiu          to be with you i wonder why


such beautiful lyrics....

hot peri peri!

What shall I say, problems are always here to stay, but they are only problem when think "its a problem", that is how I used to think...since the calender turned to 2010, I feel I am grown up, mind is more mature, want to explore deeper into life, and have some responsibilities. One of my new year resolution is on the track it will take a few months before it officially becomes mine..inshaAllah it will be I believe it will be, no matter how difficult it may seem. 

I realized since I joined BernamaTV I had 2 problems in my life, one is the job itself and the other is effort into stepping in the other phase of life "the big word MARRIAGE" which has been pending since forever. Well since the beginning of this year I have changed the directions of my priorities, I thought I should not think about it much, and it was helpful...sadly my mother is the one who is much worried about it..Since the day I stopped thinking about it, she started talking about it daily..imagine how difficult it has been for me, since 3rd Jan it hasn't been a day she didn't talk about it....at this point my mind is like an atom bomb just waiting to explode and thanks to the situation at office which it seem's like never going to change...and I am actually considering to get myself another job, or shall I join my parents develop their business...it all has been so stressful, but I will have to choose one or the other, something has to be done...its not easy to be "the independent woman" all the time...life isn't getting easy, when your realize the top management is not treating you the same way as the some of the selected or most favoured people or I shall say 'the chosen ones' things get more difficult to be accepted, that is where you loose your patience...I have been very very very patient in life, have been tolerating lots of nonsense and things around me, some one told me human makes their own destiny, so I shall...but the question is...where to begin...I pray to Allah asking for guidance show me the right path...the whole journey of life is a risk...

Sometimes I wonder why do we have to chase all this...or may be I am tired of chasing it all alone...I need that some one in my life to hold my hand and run with me...or guide me..whenever I get into my dreamy mode something just strikes me and brings me back to pavilion..awakens me that its not going to happen...I have seen many times, that whenever I hope for something and start dream about it...or even feel happy 'okay this time it may work or it's mine' BANG! strike by disappointments...all these spices ingredients has made me a stronger person today...(whoever is reading this yeas im feeling really down and emotional at the moment) or may be a blunt and heartless...a smile is all I can give to the world saying I am OKAY, but if I don't tune myself to be Ok then who will....dont grieve as even Allah can't help you..I have learn that...you will always have to help yourself because no one will be there to help you when you need them the most...especially when you realize they are much more weaker then you....may Allah give me that strength to move further in life...ameen

Reaching for the stars

After all the sorrow I was going through for past few days, today finally one good news, one of my 2010 resolution is about to accomplished...but lots of research and hard work involved and ofcourse it needs well planned financing..its my wish list no3....ameen that is what I said when my mom called to inform about it...I said to myself Allah does love me, HE actually has bigger plans for me.

At least something is coming true. I have nothing in my mind but to own it...IT IS MINE!!...that is what I wanted and it is at my door step...now my hope is for the financing process to go smoothly...I might just have one problem, and that is I might not be eligible for the loan as my salary is low compared to the purchase price..this can happen...just pray i will get through this as well...

InshaAllah i will get through this also...I belief I am capable of it!

What a journey!

I was happy to spend the 1st day of my 2010 with my best buddies, went back to Sharazad's kampung in Melaka, Kampung Sg Rambai, parents were nice, they were very informative, food was splendid, fresh seafood, her dad's a fisherman, so we had fresh sea prawns for dinner...hmm I wonder what my cholesterol level will be like... hope its still close to normal as before, maybe will have a check up on Monday..

I had a good peaceful time there, mission of he trip was Gunung Ledang, we had a little picnic at rivers, just the three of us...tonnes of families gathered on a Saturday...did human watching..many characters, many stories noticed just by observing others...did i mention the toad incident? that was a cracker hahaha...fleshing back it makes me laugh. I had a good swim.We left early in the morning at 8 and were home almost 2pm, then we slept...and we slept...and we slept hahahah that what I call a good rest.

I had all the positive vibes with me, prepared to face 2010 fresh and full of energy..lots of ideas lots of expectations, but the moment I got home, mom told me about something which really dampened my hopes..I felt my world just crashed...it sadden me deep, so deep that I can't even discuss it with anyone but my mom, she was also sorry about it...but after a day, now I feel I am capable to face it. I might just have to change my route and may be never to have high expectations...this always happens...whenever I am hoping for something and feel this is it, it just crashes and hurts so much, Allah keeps tasting my patience...its OK I think I can still manage. ..but do'h who doesnt get hurt when ur expectations are shattered...

So I have decided to take things differently now, may be its a wake up call, lucky it happen at the early few days of the month, atleast I still have time to divert my life route ...well as I always say life is always hot and spicy...its only the beginning of it... ;)